I knew who you were.

I never knew that you could genuinely feel love in dreams. The moment I saw you peek out from behind that door, my heart stopped. I felt a shock, not a bad shock, but a strong one. One that brought me back to life from the depths of a very dark, heartbreaking sadness. The best part was when you I jumped on you and you held me. The warmth from your body wrapped around me... I wanted to cry, but the pain and the way I yearned for you overcame that. There were no tears, but every breath I took in that very moment made me so weak. The way you loved me made me weak.  

I couldn't let you go. Why did you come? Why did I love you so much?   

I could re-run that scene in my head over and over again, but that love I felt, I'll never know again.   

i couldn't stop thinking about him. for the past few months, i kept thinking about all of the bad things and why i should leave. why i should look for a better life. but, the truth is, i miss him. i needed him. but i knew better than to just flock back to same state i was in.

if we were really meant to be together for the rest of our lives, he needed to find himself. i have to keep reminding myself that i have no control over our situation. if things are to really work out, then he must work on himself to find the things that make him happy -- to figure out if i made him happy. the problem was in fact, that he loved me but he didn't know if i was the one for him and as much as i love him, i can't live the rest of my life knowing that i was a burden he just couldn't let go after fostering for five years.

as much as I want to run back to to you and feel safe in your arms, i can't.

spring's a comin'!

so, in colorado, most of the snow plummets down during march...which i hate! i mean, don't get me wrong, i love the snow, from inside! hahaha! I just hate driving in it and most of all, i hate the cold. i just can't stand freezing temperatures. 

on the brighter side, spring is just around the corner! yay! what i love most about spring are the thunderstorms, rainy days, and just plain warmth. i remember when i was a kid (when you had no sense of time), we had a big garden and my dad planted hundreds of flowers around and every year during the early month of march, these little white, purple, and yellow flowers would bloom before all of the other flowers. that would be the first sign of spring for me and from childhood to adulthood, i would always go and count the flowers. sadly, i moved away from that house.

anyway, spring is still on it's way! so i bought some daffodil stems that needed a nice home and potted them in my little ikea flower pot. it's so lovely. :) i've always loved daffodils because my favorite movie is big fish and if you've seen it, you'll know exactly what i'm talking about! 

just waiting for them to blossom now, which one has already started to! so excited! 

movie review: all about my wife

let me start off by saying that i was fairly surprised by the wonderful love story. the movie is uplifting in spirit and seeks to teach a valuable lesson: always cherish and never regret. 

anyhow, the plot is a little "off edge," as it follows a young couple and their martial problems. basically, the meet, fall in madly in love, and then the wife character becomes the typical nag-all-day, controlling bitch. however, the husband (who ironically can't uphold his end of the marriage) tries to rid of her by hiring a severely depressed and artistic womanizer. i'm not going to tell you what happens, but i will spill that it is a predictable end...in it's own strange way. 

what i like about the movie is the acting. it's quite something new and the characters aren't beautiful and handsome, they're kind of dorky, but that's why the movie is a fresh breath of air. although the story line is a little strange wacky, the love between wife and husband is cheesy and appealing as it refers to a more realistic sense.

i'd give you more detail, but...you have to watch it. there are some super funny scenes that made me fall off the couch, and then some very depressing scenes that made me sob until the oxygen flow in my lungs completely stopped.  

please do watch it. it's not the best, but it's a good flix. :)

weekly obsession; lace

okay, where do i begin? i just LOVE lace and everything about it. i love it on stationary, clothing, accessories! oh my gosh, it's the most beautiful fabric ever created. anyhow, i've been planning my future wedding (whenever it may be), so i'm constantly looking through dresses and i came upon these two on various websites and wedding blogs. I FELL IN LOVE! they're so elegant and classy yet so chic! i'd love to wear one out to a outing or a some sort of tasteful party. so lovely. but that's what i'm all about anyway. :)

new song.

like i said before, i will change my music week or two. i just love change.

this one is "girls keep secrets in the strangest ways" by ephemera. 

gosh, i love them. they make my life colorful and bubbly. 

♥

february.

so, i've come to terms that time is moving so swiftly, i need to do something worthy every day. well, i started papering again and sometimes it gets quite boring so i drag my boyfriend to do something with me. this past valentines day, he and i made a heart garland together. of course, i had to cut out all of the hearts because i just couldn't risk him wasting my paper and cutting ugly, malformed hearts. 

so what i did was i cut out 18 hearts (no particular reason) and we split the in half. he got 9 and i got 9. then, we wrote why we loved each other on the back, or reasons why we love each other. after writing, we got to read them and i'd have to say, it's cheesy but really fun. my boyfriend wrote some really funny things that made my heart all warm. :) 

ironically, he wrote more than i did! 

anyway, we decorated my room with it and now that it's been like a few days, i took it down, packaged it, and put it our journal for future references. 

i definitely recommend this activity with your loved one, valentines day or any day of the year.